Monday, June 17, 2013

The end of a Year


The time has come once again to write my trimesterly reflection post (wait, did I even write one for winter term?). I've officially finished all classes for freshman year, although I still have one exam left. As of this Friday, I will have wrapped everything up for year one of uni and in 2 weeks, I will be back in Singapore (for a short while).

I really don't know what I want to say besides the clichéd "time passes so quickly" because it's true. I feel like before I realise, I'll be job-hunting and writing my senior thesis and graduating. Being here for a whole school year has helped me confirm a lot of things like my love for 3WD and how I never wanna leave it, or how sweet uni life is and how I never wanna graduate. Who can imagine me working anyway? I can't even hold a part-time job for more than a week on average.

There's nothing much to be said academically because that was hardly a factor in my uni life. I mean, I'm a dumb freshman. I play (or sleep) all day because I can. No job-hunting, no senior thesis, no major, just fun. I've somehow managed to get by safely so far and I'm thankful for that. It's now time to level up and become a dumb sophomore.

My friends tell me I'm not enjoying freshman year enough for a dumb freshman- but that's because all my friends aren't dumb freshmen, they're dumb sophomores/juniors/seniors. They actually have stuff to do instead of play with me. Yeah, that's right- somehow an overwhelming majority of my friends are upperclassmen and hardly any from my own cohort, not that I mind really. I just feel like I missed all the fun last year when all my 15 friends were dumb freshmen. Why aren't there any fun people in 16? Come to think of it, all my friends can be tragically categorised into either 3WD or 2MD- safe to say my social life isn't raging, but I'm just fine with that.

A lot has happened this year, both in the earlier months and also recently, and my eyes have been opened more through what I've experienced in my 10 months here than my previous 18 years of life combined. I came to Tokyo- to university- not knowing what to expect at all, and I guess that was key because everything that happened exceed all non-existent expectations.

Japan Tokyo was everything I expected and what I never expected. I still love the place, but I've seen the darker side of things from a viewpoint I never got through dramas and movies before. I still prefer it millions to Singapore, and I'm really dreading going back in 2 weeks' time. If there weren't people I wanted to see there, I probably would never set foot back there anymore. Before I noticed, what seemed like my whole life that I was leaving back in Singapore became absolutely insignificant and this, now, is my everything I don't wanna be apart from for even a month.

So many things have changed over the past almost-year. I've changed. My habits, my lifestyle, my fashion, even my makeup has changed. Are my old friends going to recognise this me? Can I even get along with them now that my lifestyle is totally out of sync with theirs?

I can't believe that when I come back I'm going to be a 2nd-year student, I'm gonna have proper juniors (17s are only like half-juniors because they're not a full year behind me), and I'm only gonna have less than 3 years left here. I'm gonna have a half-decided major (maybe) and I'm gonna be taking 100% Japanese courses. Some of my friends would have graduated already, some would have moved out of the dorms, some would be busier with various things. Not nearly as much fun is going to be had and things are going to be so different that I'm kinda dreading it all.

As usual, I don't know where I'm going with this "reflection". I don't even know where I'm going with life. What am I going to study? What am I going to do after graduation? Am I going to work? Can I work? Where? Term-ends tend me make me think about things like this because a few more of these blog posts and I'll have to have answers to those questions. All I know is "I'm on the pursuit of happiness, [...] I'll be fine once I get it."

For now, I just wanna enjoy the last of my youth. Not in the sense that these are my last few teen months, but that all of this is going to be impossible once I become literally, a society person (社会人), especially if I'm gonna stay in Tokyo. Why can't we just get trapped in a never-ending time loop of freshman year? Suffices to say that I loved freshman year and had an insane time. Must I repeat it? I don't want this all to end.

I'll just wrap this up by thanking all (most) the people I met who have helped make freshman year legen- wait for it... dary. Please be here when I get back and please don't ever change.

♡ベ☆

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